As an entrepreneur the lines between personal and business tend to get extremely blurry very quickly. One’s business pursuits become enmeshed into all facets of life as there is always more to be done in the early stages of starting a business.
Add to that the reality of being a solo practitioner where my work space is literally in the household which makes the ups and downs of a new business become that much palpable for everyone on the home front.
Being in the revenue generation business I know the reality all too well that critical activities if done well and consistently lead to results. Stop the activities and the results will disappear. A constant dilemma for a single shingle that has to find, deliver and maintain the work simultaneously. The result can be feast and famine as the individual porpoises through the cyclical nature of going it alone in consulting.
The game changer in this individual entrepreneurial dynamic that I knew I was signing up for when I launched my business was the unexpected life curve ball that is different for everyone. For me it is the failing health of my father who has been battling melanoma cancer valiantly for twelve years. Given that time frame you would think I would have seen it coming. I did and wrote about in a blog post about a year ago now.
Yet despite knowing his disease and the long odds he faced it was impossible not to get caught up in my father’s optimism that he would beat it and go on forever. Despite his best efforts and science’s most sophisticated and targeted assaults to stop the disease, time is now running out for him. The game changer is happening in real time and my priorities shifted in an instant.
I have really struggled to put this into words and have been hesitant to reveal it en masse. It is a very private and personal journey that is little like opening up Pandora’s Box. People have either experienced losing a parent or they have not. The result is a club you are either in or not, kind of like parenting but with much more somber shared experiences. For those in it, they relate in an instant to what I’m experiencing and invariably reconnect to their own painful journey. The result is an emotionally laden conversation that is not easy to have, let alone to start by telling people honestly what is going on for me right now.
However, to not do it seems to fly in the face of everything I have been blogging about recently about being authentic, leading with heart and bringing one’s whole self to the professional space. So I’m trying to practice what I’ve been preaching so that I can step into that uncomfortable place of being real regardless of the consequences and the setting.
The result of this life event unfolding and being real about it has led me to put the business on pause except for very brief intervals where I can be present to and focus on my work, which are limited at best now. Thus the business development activities have slowed and the results that invariably follow. With it comes a greater appreciation for the flexibility entrepreneurship provides that allows me to make the shift quickly while simultaneously deepening my understanding for the consequences the shift has on my business as a solo practitioner.
More importantly, this difficult space I’m navigating has me more connected with the Gimbal Systems metaphor and how it applies to me right now. You can read at length about what a Gimbal System is on my website, but for the here and now folks, think of it as a balancing device made up of rings attached at 90 degree angles that pivot to hold something steady in the center despite forces against it. Common applications are on boats or planes, like I’m on as I write this, that move in multiple dimensions at the same time.
I think in terms of gimbals, what are they and how fluid are they to absorb the forces at work against each of as individuals or organizations? Without out enough of them or if they get locked we can lose degrees of freedom and that is what I think I’m experiencing right now. My father, my best friend and best man, is a metaphorical gimbal for me in my life and he is going away in a physical sense. My other gimbals are flexing but my system is unstable as this change occurs. My system will ultimately recalibrate, but it will take time to adjust and access that gimbal differently as I go forward and my father passes.
No fun is this preverbal rite of passage that is bumpy, prolonged and downright painful, much like the flight from Seattle to Boston I find myself on regularly now. So there is my truth about what is going on for me, thanks for letting me share it with you and for your grace in receiving it. Speak your truth, it will set you free.